BrainDump

I’m Tired

Everyone says try a nap

But I can’t sleep during the day

Grind now, sleep later

Worrying about whether

or not everyone is ok

But I gotta be ok to make sure y’all ok

Am I ok?

I’m tired

If one peg falls - I’m dead

So I stay up

I’m up when the money is

But I’m tired

Pacing back and forth when I should be sleep

Stay scared about shit that ain’t got shit to do with me

Moving $$ like my name uhaul

DoorDash, Sell pussy, Tutor ya kid

I do it all

Boss Bitch shoulders

Call me heavyweight

But I’m tired

It’s gon be alright

It’s gon be alright

It’s gon be alright

But if I have to keep saying it

When will it be all right?

I can’t get caught up in the what ifs, and the shoulda couldas, the when and wheres

Expectations are bullshit

Boundaries are the shit

My phone stay on DND

Had to close off who

Has access to me

Started seeing the way I choose to live my life differently

Owning up to the choices I make

Consequences I’ll have to take

Cause I gotta bend not break

But I’m tired

But that’s the thing about sleep

We wake up

We get up

We get tired

We sleep

Silver Lining

I looked up and saw the silver lining today

One the edge of a cloud

I saw it while I walked to class

When I stepped in my family home

When it hurt

Never when it mattered

When I laugh

When she laughs

When he laughs

When we laugh

When I cry

When she cries

When they cry

When we cry

At the protest

At the burial

At the funeral

At the memorial

When we are together

There it always was

And there is nerve was

But I see it now

It’s in the possibilities

In what is and what isn’t

In what could be and what there is

It’s our truth

It’s right there

What I want

I want to feel safe and hold hands after movie night. I want to travel the world and know I’ll always have someone to do direction. I want to live with all of my friends on a big plot of land and run a record store. I want to bring out all the happiness I have inside of me and have it be accepted too.

Here We Go Again

When given the chance to be vulnerable or avert attention - I’ll have the latter. I hold grudges. I give the silent treatment. I give off bad vibes.

Feel uncomfortable.

Feel unfulfilled.

Feel. Bad.

I attach after a rigorous test. I make some mistakes. They do too. We play tug of war with our words. I play along with the games and I plot revenge on the low. It’s really toxic. You gas light me.

Noted.

Vacay

Vacation means being mean

I’m doing what the fuck I want bitch

I’m on vacation

We on da roof

Shot o clock...now

Links be sneaky

Links be da opposite of sneaky

Wearing less going out more

Leaving niggas to figure it tf out

And doing shit you love

Period

Vacation is freedom for black folks

Vacation is refusing to work

Vacation is doing the things you cant stand...and laughing.

Talking about the hard shit and moving past it. Bonfire. Bubbles. Music.

Why Tho?

Why is niggas always doing funny shit while trying to holler at a bitch? Literally just heard a whole 7 string orchestra in a song called SexBeat. Yes Ludacris kills his verse. But the cherubs and soft chords just lead up to a bombardment of thuds and whooms. I guess it is a sexbeat. Building up - with little to no payoff and nothing to show for it. Like i just think of the hood niggas in long shirts and jean shorts talking about shit - shut up.