#DEEPTHOTS : Summer of Resurgence
An excerpt from my journal on May 6th, 22’:
Plans change. Embrace that shit. This is not the tea henny. I need me an order of bigger with a side of better opportunity ok? I am looking at the bigger picture without squinting now. I can see the gaps. I saw the signs word to Pitch Perfect. (Did they sing that song in the movie? Or was that the trailer?) One of the signs is screaming: VACATION TIME BITCH! Some time spent not worrying about other people or their fucking problems. As TS Madison said: “1. you ain’t a bill I owe. 2. You ain’t a bitch i know!” Full dedication to my crafts. 100% attention. Big meeting time.
resurgence
NOUN; An increase or revival after a period of little activity, popularity, or occurrence.
Why resurgence?
Good question me. For those of you who have been here for a minute you may or may not remember the Summer of Magic in 2020.
I made a bunch of great mixes, took tons of great pictures, and got my first born, Kehinde. Sticking to a theme did wonders for my creative bug. I was writing and reading and exploring everyday. On the weekends I would do lots of performance enhancing rituals for enlightenment and also out of boredom. I was celebrating the beginning of creating boundaries in my life after continuously going to therapy for six months. She glowing - she growing! I remember feeling like my future was in my own hands. Like I had a lot of decisions to make but none of which scared me. I was ready to step it up. So I wrote. A lot.
Then 2021 happened.
I was feeling like although I was able to get a lot of work done in 2020, that doing a bunch of work wasn’t really what anyone was supposed to be doing in 2020. We were only experimenting with the idea of full - time remote work, school, and services at the time. But 2021 forced the world to come to terms with the shabby foundations it was built on. Everyone was feeling like it was time to kick all that old shit to the curb. And what better time than a full economic depression to start cutting out unnecessary things from the workload? All those boundaries I made in 2020 started getting enforced. I followed through. I hopped from job to job looking for at least one employer that seems to give a semblance of a fuck about their employees. (Still looking..) My bills increased three fold and I felt myself falling into a depression. Feeling irritated with my inability to speak up for myself, allowing people who serve no purpose in my life to create difficulty for me, accepting bottom of the barrel excuses from inconsiderate assholes.
Despite being away from Texas for almost 4 years now I am not necessarily missing home. Seeing that Texas policies are a complete dumpster fire right now I can go without most of the going ons. But I am missing my longtime friends. I have been in several long distance intimate relationships with my besties for almost four years now. It’s getting old. Living in Pittsburgh is also making me grouchy and cynical - I know the citizens of Pittsburgh love that, lol. I’ve become so untrusting of so many people I’ve just resorted to staying in my house until I graduate. I’m saving my coin and cashing in big. But now I feel ready to pop out. Independent.
To answer your initial question me: It’s time for resurgence.
Life is full of ups and downs. While I’m feeling up I want to prepare for the down. I’m investigating the things that still make me uncomfortable this Summer. I am going to make music. I will publicize my writings. My projects will see the light of day, baby. I feel similar to how I did during the Summer of Magic because of my influx of writing. Goddamit, I love that. I’ve got some scripts, a few books, and my doctoral projects underway. Beam Me Up Scotty! 22’ has been all about kicking ass and taking names. I wrote and defended my proposal in 6 months. I’ll be defending my exams in the next 4. I’ll have exactly 2 years before I receive my doctorate. Y’all gon hate me!
22’ includes many a Nicki Minaj verse (don’t tell anyone I said that) cause I need to be gassseeeddd up. I am surging myself by reminding myself of my abilities, my power and my influence. I have a stack of my journals on my altar as a reminder that all the answers lie with me. I just have to be up for a search.
I believe in my ideas. I believe in myself. I am going to graduate on time. I am so serious.
If you have been along for this blog since 2018 you know the real tea. I’ve changed my thoughts and ideas so much. I’ve changed who I was and my states a few times too. But I refuse to doubt myself and water down my dreams for anybody. Everything is about to change. Again.
Talk soon friends.