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  • Writer's pictureTaylor Waits

Discourse Divas - First World C*nt Problems

I was preparing to take my hair down at 2:30 AM a few weeks back. My roots were in desperate need of a touch up and my pussy needed a break. I had just finished two hours of intermittent writer's block, cyclical anxiety snowballing mindfucks, and IBS stomach grumbles. I needed to switch out the vibes in my living room if I was ever going to finish my work. I then proceeded to tune into my good Judy’s podcast: Discourse Divas.

Fatima and Rah Rah Gabor take us through a storytime juicy enough to make you feel like you are on Facetime kiking and carrying on. You feel like an exclusive ass sleuthy fly on the wall, like your aunties just went into the kitchen and you put a cup up against the door to hear the gossip. In between controlling your breath you listen to thunderous laughter followed by a ‘period’ or the always relevant ‘I know that’s right.’ I found myself stopping every few seconds from braiding my hair to rewind the story back, adjust the volume, and analyze notes! And baby just on episode one: this show is a whole key!

As first world c*nt problems go: dealing with cyberbullying is a great place to start. And where on the internet are heterosexual shenanigans housed? Clubhouse. #Theclockofitall! If you aren’t familiar with clubhouse just know it’s a platform that can be used to have webinars, talks and meetings remotely. As Dr. Umar’s disciples (all the hotep Alpha Males) continue to stroke each other’s egos #nohomo they continue to find platforms to elevate themselves on. As our hosts point out, Clubhouse rooms often reflect high school social media games like ‘Smash or Pass,’ ‘Like/Rate/Date,’ and TBH! Cafeteria chatter. Childish and fun. But as Fatima detailed, ‘I don't know what gender that isn’t messy.” Rah proceeds to describe transmisogyny at its finest in the chatroom. Coons having way too many opinions and (let us not forget) the birds buying them PS5s and backing up men’s shitty opinions. Like how men think they are owed truth and transparency when they can’t even feel comfortable in their own bodies. The girls detail the bane of trans chasers, DL niggas, and hypocritical closeted fags. The men weaponized homophobia, sexism, and misogyny against Rah in that moment. The crusty niggas attempted to get the room to turn against her as wherever bum ass niggas are: the birds flock closely behind. Cisgender Black women joining in on the fight against the gay agenda (even though the bum in question definetly sexted with Rah) and protect their Kang from the clutches of a Black transwoman’s pussy. What else is new?

The episode began to round out and I didn’t want it to end. I felt like I was playing ‘No YOU hang up.’ I tightened up my grip and went to feel my scalp to see how many braids I had left.

To my surprise I was holding my last braid. (Yes I have a little ass head and a mullet.)

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