New Year, Same Me - Part 3: Girl you losing weight, again?
Updated: Apr 26
I was in a cycle. Life would be terrible, I thought being skinny was the only way to make life better, I would try to lose weight in the most dangerous ways, lose .6 pounds, and my life was saved. I had done this since I was ten. I just had always imagined happy people to be skinny. Fat people can't be happy, right? I mean, I was fat, borderline diabetes, just tipping the scale at 201lbs at 17 and I thought I was happy. But wait, fat people CAN'T be happy. So this feeling, it's here now, but not for long, right? One thing I knew for sure was my big ass was confused.
It's a new year, and you need change. Take it from me, losing weight will not bring your significant other back, make your parents love you, or in my case, cure depression. Your shit is gonna stink in some way, and having a six pack will not stop the bill collectors, the haters, or your mother from seeing through your bullshit. So first, find the real reason you want change. Understand, fat people have existed happily on this planet since the dawn of time. Fat people are happy, married, parents, business owners, fitness gurus, chefs, intellectuals, etc. Fat is just a fact, not a hindurance. So is the fat really your problem? Here let me give you an example.
I thought losing weight would bring understanding. I could finally figure out why I was so sad, why things never seemed to work out, why I always see myself as second best. Well losing weight helped me to understand that being fat causes none of these things. I do. When people classify themselves as a category of person (always the bridesmaid, fat ugly friend, the nerd who people just need to understand more and see past the acne to fall in love with, etc.), attributing all of their shortcomings to some sick game life is playing, you have a gag. My gag was the "funny, fat, friend". And honey I dived into the lifestyle. My circles consisting mostly of men, making myself seem unassuming, acting like being sexy was something someone prettier did. Let me tell you now, if you have a gag, grow up. No, it's not that people don't find you attractive because you are fat. Maybe you only strive for things in your comfort zone that fails to challenge you. Maybe you refuse to try something new out of the fear that you will fail. Maybe you know that you can indeed do whatever the hell you want to do in life, but staying the same makes you happy and comfortable. Maybe you are always a bridesmaid because no one wants to wife or husband a complacent, boring, predictable human who refuses to acknowledge their own problems you nitwit.
So, is losing weight something you really need to do in 2019? For me, yeah. Once I found my happiness, and knew that being skinny would bring me no more happiness than I already had, I still wanted to lose weight. And that's great. I want to be able to play with my grandchildren, bust a move with my girls at our 70th, and set an example for health in my predominantly Black family. I needed something to help me with my anxiety, I wanted to feel good in the morning, I wanted to try different types of healthy foods -. Ok, you get it. As long as you aren't becoming a skinny legend for some person, or plan on using your new healthy body for evil, get healthy sis. Losing weight has made me disciplined, forced me to try new things, helped my mind from racing, and gives me something to do when I get depressed. I finally can wear the clothes I have always wanted, do all the activities my asthma was preventing me from doing, and gave myself the extra boost of confidence I needed to complete any daunting task. I attribute my new body to reading, my amazing trainer, HEB curbside, and the most supportive group of friends in the world. On days I felt like a whale my friends always make me feel like a princess please get a support system ASAP!
Losing weight helped me a lot, but it did not bring me understanding. I did THAT. I took the initiative to learn about all the different ways to be healthy (none of them involve your weight please stop talking about that irrelevant ass number), where my happiness can be found, and understanding what it truly means to be healthy to me. I don't believe in New Year's resolutions, I am a continuing project and time is a construct anyway. I don't judge you if you do though. Do something good for yourself, maybe you will finally start to understand.