When Remy Ma proclaimed “ARE YOU DUMB,” the Universe released the final draft of my life’s purpose. The seed of another loud mouth clap back laden Aries Black gay woman was planted and my beautiful ass popped the FAWK out. My first words in first grade were,“Do y’all think this shit is a mufuckin’ game?” I was born tired of people and our shit. The lack of self awareness; our inability to think about anyone other than themselves; and our proclivity to having our priorities all the way fucked up.
I scroll my timelines and combine that with having my conversations with all the people in my silly little life and I constantly think: “Are you only thinking about yourself?” Now I know what you’re going to say: trauma. And yeah girl, I was literally raised to be a Mamie/slave to men and White people I probably need to reasses my need to feel liked. But we need to get it together.
I’m at that sweet age of 25 where you start to see where your friends choose what they will prioritize in their life. Some people go the homophobic and transphobic route. Some people take the extreme religious route. Some people start to couple up or remain single. You keep some friends and you also make more. You are probably also reassessing your boundaries, habits, and morals. You know - the things that you fucking believe in. I was spoiled in 2020 with the resurgence of criticism of police reform becoming a priority of Black Americans and everyone who claimed to prioritize Black Americans. I was in awe at protests across the planet in solidarity with Black Americans that were being used to criticize the police state. Like go off. There was this trend going around on social media to post a Black square to show social media solidarity with Black Americans. And people started telling on themselves. It reeked of performance that year. I remember White people handing me $20 at protests, Blackfishing influencers, and scammer/abuser lead organizers. All in the midst of a goddamn pandemic wiping out millions of people (and counting) in record amounts of time. But I really remember the way that people around me reacted to these things. It was when I saw one of my old dealers in college who I used to boof wax with leading Youth camp that I knew that I need to stop playin’ witchall. Y’all really playing in my face? ANd I’m crazy…so my threshold between choosing my battles and airing the whole bitch out is getting thinner as my meatsuit continues to rot. People still disregarding people’s health, their past experiences, their wants for the future…influence how they then treat said person.
Y’all play too fuckin’ much.
I’m so tired of racist white people cosplaying as allies until their feelings are hurt. I am so tired of people of color playing oppression olympics with me chile. I’m tired of people arguing about concepts that were fucking made up. And I’m tired of people thinking that their identities can shield them from accountability. Like y’all play too fucking much with that. You really think you are above critique? Why!? Feelings are valid and actions have consequences. I think I’m also shocked that folks don’t take themselves as seriously as I take myself…very. I’m very methodical with my life. I love calendars and advisors and meetings and planning and organizing. Now I know what you’re going to say: trauma. But who has the privilege of taking a mental health day? Vacation? A BREAK? And why isn’t it me?
Sometimes I wish I was as dumb of a bitch as some of y’all so I could just hear my two thoughts bouncing off of the walls of my brain cavity instead of my inner voice telling me to off myself because I didn’t remember to buy mini trashcan liners. But alas, we rise. My therapy sessions have really been going to WORK. I used to respond terribly to other people’s decisions but I have learned to find joy in knowing I can do whatever the fuck I please too. I’ve finally reached Year 4 of this PhD program and wasting time is no longer an option. That’s all the coursework is anyway. Busy work. Cyclical conversations. Waste of time. So my tolerance for waiting is getting thinner and thinner. It helps because everyone knows now: play with ya pussy hoe not me. I’ve done enough time wastin’... I’ve heard everyone out. Call me Tiny cause I’ll never be the bigger person. I am turning less cheeks baby - you gon have to kiss my ass instead. Some of our community is stuck in cycles. We've reached limits or we need to set new boundaries. Some get blocked and become stories to laugh or cry about. Some of you dummies are going in my memoir. The fuckery deserves to be read about. And like Seyn said, “And it won’t stop.”
Cause y’all are jesters in this big top. You gotta keep being goofy cause the world needs goofy bitches. And I am happy so many can fill that role. But y’all play too much for me, so I’ll just be watching the shenanigans.
When Remy Ma proclaimed “ARE YOU DUMB,” the Universe released the final draft of my life’s purpose. The seed of another loud mouth clap back laden Aries Black gay woman was planted and my beautiful ass popped the FAWK out. My first words in first grade were,“Do y’all think this shit is a mufuckin’ game?” I was born tired of people and our shit. The lack of self awareness; our inability to think about anyone other than themselves; and our proclivity to having our priorities all the way fucked up.
I scroll my timelines and combine that with having my conversations with all the people in my silly little life and I constantly think: “Are you only thinking about yourself?” Now I know what you’re going to say: trauma. And yeah girl, I was literally raised to be a Mamie/slave to men and White people I probably need to reasses my need to feel liked. But we need to get it together.
I’m at that sweet age of 25 where you start to see where your friends choose what they will prioritize in their life. Some people go the homophobic and transphobic route. Some people take the extreme religious route. Some people start to couple up or remain single. You keep some friends and you also make more. You are probably also reassessing your boundaries, habits, and morals. You know - the things that you fucking believe in. I was spoiled in 2020 with the resurgence of criticism of police reform becoming a priority of Black Americans and everyone who claimed to prioritize Black Americans. I was in awe at protests across the planet in solidarity with Black Americans that were being used to criticize the police state. Like go off. There was this trend going around on social media to post a Black square to show social media solidarity with Black Americans. And people started telling on themselves. It reeked of performance that year. I remember White people handing me $20 at protests, Blackfishing influencers, and scammer/abuser lead organizers. All in the midst of a goddamn pandemic wiping out millions of people (and counting) in record amounts of time. But I really remember the way that people around me reacted to these things. It was when I saw one of my old dealers in college who I used to boof wax with leading Youth camp that I knew that I need to stop playin’ witchall. Y’all really playing in my face? ANd I’m crazy…so my threshold between choosing my battles and airing the whole bitch out is getting thinner as my meatsuit continues to rot. People still disregarding people’s health, their past experiences, their wants for the future…influence how they then treat said person.
Y’all play too fuckin’ much.
I’m so tired of racist white people cosplaying as allies until their feelings are hurt. I am so tired of people of color playing oppression olympics with me chile. I’m tired of people arguing about concepts that were fucking made up. And I’m tired of people thinking that their identities can shield them from accountability. Like y’all play too fucking much with that. You really think you are above critique? Why!? Feelings are valid and actions have consequences. I think I’m also shocked that folks don’t take themselves as seriously as I take myself…very. I’m very methodical with my life. I love calendars and advisors and meetings and planning and organizing. Now I know what you’re going to say: trauma. But who has the privilege of taking a mental health day? Vacation? A BREAK? And why isn’t it me?
Sometimes I wish I was as dumb of a bitch as some of y’all so I could just hear my two thoughts bouncing off of the walls of my brain cavity instead of my inner voice telling me to off myself because I didn’t remember to buy mini trashcan liners. But alas, we rise. My therapy sessions have really been going to WORK. I used to respond terribly to other people’s decisions but I have learned to find joy in knowing I can do whatever the fuck I please too. I’ve finally reached Year 4 of this PhD program and wasting time is no longer an option. That’s all the coursework is anyway. Busy work. Cyclical conversations. Waste of time. So my tolerance for waiting is getting thinner and thinner. It helps because everyone knows now: play with ya pussy hoe not me. I’ve done enough time wastin’... I’ve heard everyone out. Call me Tiny cause I’ll never be the bigger person. I am turning less cheeks baby - you gon have to kiss my ass instead. Some of our community is stuck in cycles. We've reached limits or we need to set new boundaries. Some get blocked and become stories to laugh or cry about. Some of you dummies are going in my memoir. The fuckery deserves to be read about. And like Seyn said, “And it won’t stop.”
Cause y’all are jesters in this big top. You gotta keep being goofy cause the world needs goofy bitches. And I am happy so many can fill that role. But y’all play too much for me, so I’ll just be watching the shenanigans.